Kids Have All the Answers

My sister has taken to finding creative ways to remind me that I haven't blogged lately. This morning she mailed me a link to an absolutely hilarious blog (www.jadenotjaded.wordpress.com) that made me feel guilty for not blogging myself. Soooooo, here I gooooo.

I have decided that some of life's most interesting questions aren't philosophical, they're child-initiated. In the course of any given day my sons will ask me the usual things like, "Why is the sky blue?" or "Would our heads blow up in space if we didn't have a spacesuit on?" Then there are the days with questions that will be forever stamped upon my brain preventing any possibility of forgetting them. For example, the other night Austin asked me, "Mom, do you know how you can tell if a fart is really going to stink?" Not paying full attention (mistake #1), I took the bait.....,"hmmmm, how is that son?" Providing him with the necessary launching pad for sharing his most recent hypothesis, he quickly lept right in. "Welllll, if you have to work really hard to get it out....it'll be stinky for sure. But if it just sort of slips out (complete with very smooth hand gestures), you probably won't smell it at all!" And here comes mistake #2. "How did you come to this conclusion son?" (hereby fully vesting myself in this conversation). "Oh, the guys (his 7-year-old buddies) and I were talking about it at recess.

This prompted one of my famous "visions." I could so easily picture my child standing around, just like in a scene from some mobster movie, with his pals and a thick New Jersey accent. The conversation would go something like this:

Bennie: So Sal, I been thinkin'.....
Sal: Yeah Bennie, whas that?
Bennie: You know how Joey's always stinkin' it up?
Sal: Sure, sure.
Bennie: Well I bet he could warn us if he wanted to.
Joey: How'd I do that?
Bennie: I can't tell you here - people are listening.....Fuhgedaboutit!

"The Best Day Ever"

Some days really stink....and then there are days that totally rock!! This day rocked more than most lately. It started out with sleeping in and snuggling my husband. Then a little work, not too much, just a little. And then Pizza Hut with Beezy, some grocery shopping with Noah and a fabulous afternoon nap. I was able to pay all the bills and still put money in savings. I took my first Jazzercise class tonight with my friend Kayla and LOVED it. I have untapped potential in the rhythm department, that's for sure. Then I got home, had a deeeelicious dark chocolate Jello-O pudding cup and watched a new episode of Bones. Finally, I logged in all of my food and I came in under my calorie limit!! On Spongebob Squarepants he sings a song called, "The Best Day Ever" and that is definitely an accurate description of today. Most of the time, it really is about the little things. :)

Scientific Research

I once read that the government gave a grant to some scientists to study the amount of methane gas produced by a cow's butt and the effect it had on the atmosphere. Can you believe that!? Large sums of money given to scientists just to study a cow's rear end! Well, it occurred to me that my children would probably qualify for one of those grants. Here are my proposed areas of study:

1. The effect of constant light switch flipping on an electric bill (which my husband also reports feels like being in a disco, so perhaps there's a two-fold study there....)
2. The effects of a bath tub full of water on a bathroom floor.
3. How long it takes a dog to gain weight by feeding it a full box of cereal off the kitchen floor.
4. How truly dirty is a toilet if you flush it 100 times consecutively?
5. Can carpet be worn off stairs by sliding down them on your butt or stomach?

Really, aren't these more noble areas of interest? Wouldn't the world be better served by reaching a better understanding of what makes children tick? Or would that be as much a waste of money as studying a cow's butt? Ahhhh, the things that keep you awake at night.....

Funny Body Part Names

I once read that every family develops it's own language. After realizing that our family does not call a single body part by it's correct anatomical name, I would have to agree. The following is a short list of what we call things:
1. Head = Melon
2. Forehead = Foremelon
3. Feet = Putties
4. Stomach = Buddha
5. Boy parts = peepers

Funny story about that last one. My sister coached Austin and Connor in a gymnastics class a few years back. With the whole class lined up and supposed to be watching her for direction, she stated, "Now everyone open your peepers..." Silly Aunt Erin, what a crazy thing to say! Austin and Connor stood up and started to pull down their shorts!

Occasionally I wonder if we should start teaching them the proper names, but then I realize that would cut down on a large majority of the funny stories I have to tell my family. :)

"That is NOT what we use that for!"

Wooo Hoooo! A bonus post this week - consider it my gift to you. Actually, I was just sitting here (yes, rather than working) and was chuckling about dual conversations held over the phone between my sister and I. It used to be I was the only one of us that had kids and my sister would often hear things like, "Your brother is not a punching bag!" and "So help me God, if you do that one more time!" while we were talking on the phone. She was very patient and would often laugh at how I could yell at children and have a civil phone conversation at the same time. Now she has kids. And now I get to laugh. The other day we were talking and she said, "Don't stick that noodle there!" and "what did I say about crayons!" Some other favorites that come to mind are, "The toilet is NOT a swimming pool!" "For the love of God, I just cleaned that!" We used to roll our eyes at our mother who could be yelling like a banshee one moment and then answer the phone and be as sweet as pie the next, "Get to your room before I beat you until your legs fall off!......" (ring, ring......) "Well hello, of course I'll bake a cake, no problem......"

An Ode to Chocolate

On any given day I can find a really good reason why I need chocolate. The dog made a mess, the kids made a mess, my life is a mess! I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm apathetic! I worked out, I didn't work out, I thought about working out! It's movie night, it's Arbor Day, it's Tuesday! The list goes on and on (indefinitely).

But seriously, I'm fairly certain that if all the world leaders sat down together in the Hershey's Factory and put their brilliant minds to it, they could solve the world's problems with chocolate.

Chocolate provides all the things a woman needs in life. It is rich, it is silent and there is an endless variety of things you can do with it. My friend Beezy and I have a running joke about all the things we would like to do with chocolate. Basically we start out by saying we'd like an apple (for example), but only if it's dipped in chocolate, rolled in chocolate, fried in chocolate and covered in chocolate sprinkles. Then the other person has to come back with an even better way to cover that apple in chocolate, like covered in chocolate drizzle and smothered in chocolate. It can go on for a very long time and can be exceptionally entertaining.

But I digress. I could give the Illiad and the Odyssey a run for their money when it comes to talking about chocolate. Suffice it to say, although you don't really need a reason to eat chocolate (or bathe in it), if you feel that you do you can call me and I will gladly help you out.

Different Day....Same Stuff!

Due to extreme pressure applied to me by my sister, I am blogging. Sadly, it has been pretty low on my priority list lately (in fact it fell off the bottom about 2 weeks ago....) At any rate, just a quick update on things in the land of Smiff.

It's still snowing in Alaska, a lot.
The kids are still sick, a lot.
The laundry is still mating in unseen corners of my home.
The dishes are staging a coup in the kitchen.

We did recently buy some furniture, a very nice dresser and nightstands for our bedroom. The boxes we were using as nightstands were sad to leave, but we weren't sad to see them go. We're thinking of buying a couch next as everyone is sick of fighting over the bean bag chairs. Smile on my friends!