Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Toys vs. Luffah

A bathtub full of toys and 1 luffah. Noah would rather chew on the luffah. Downside = bacteria. Upside = Didn't have to clean his face with a washcloth, which he hates! :)

Sound Effects

One of Austin and Connor's favorite pasttimes lately is pretending to be superheroes. This of course requires a lot of sound effects, whooshing, swishing, the light saber noise from Star Wars, dinosaurs roaring, (you get the picture). In fact, there isn't really anything that doesn't require some sort of sound effect. Often, Dustin and I have a fair tolerance level for the noise and commotion that accompanies the work of a superhero. Occasionally, our tolerance level dips somewhat.

However, just the other day as I was watching them "save the world" I had another philosophical moment. What if we all got that "into" what we were doing? I could make really great whizzing noises while I'm moving laundry from the washer to the dryer, loading the dishwasher and picking up toys! And I think I'd look great in a cape while vacuuming with my sidekick, the super-duper-ultra-amazing Dyson! Perhaps this would make chores more fun. Perhaps it would only make me look silly. Either way, it would definitely put into full view how "Wonder Mom" zips through her day like a speeding bullet, leaping toys in a single bound and ensuring the safety of the little people :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Kid Paradise/Parent Hell

Last night we drove in to Anchorage for the birthday party of one of Connor's classmates. The party was held at Chuck E. Cheese's. After enduring several trips to this kid paradise/parent hell I feel educated enough to make some observations. First, there are a lot of people talking on cell phones in this place. How can they hear the person they're talking to? It is soooo loud in there I can't hear myself think! Second, no one that works there ever looks happy or has anything close to a smile on their face. In fact, they all look like they would rather lick wet paint then suffer one more minute being run over by people less than 5 feet tall. Finally, I'm thinking that a study on the effects of sensory overstimulation of children should be conducted by spending about 12 hours in Chuck E. Cheese's. They would shut that place down! I left there with the biggest migraine of my life. I was so sure that the pressure behind my right eyeball was going to cause it to fall out of my head and that I would welcome it if it did!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What are they laughing at?

Whenever I'm approached by someone with a snicker or full-blown grin on their face it's usually safe to assume my boys have either done something terrible or terribly funny. This morning at the library I approached the check-out desk and noticed both librarians looking at me and trying not to laugh. After doing a quick wardrobe check to make sure there were no obvious malfunctions and wiping my hand across my mouth to make sure there was no cream cheese left over from that yummy bagel, I looked around for Austin and Connor. Sure enough, they were the reason behind the giggles.

Apparently, Austin and Connor had been sitting there doing puzzles when a group of young girls walked by. Austin looks up and without hesitating says to the girls, "I'm Austin and this is my brother Connor, and we're always up for adventure."

Mothers, lock up your daughters, here they come!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Things We Mourn

I was sitting here gazing at my youngest child just now thinking how much I missed that adorable head of hair he had before his recent run in with the clippers. I think I'm actually grieving the passage of time with my last baby. I never for one moment wanted my oldest two to stay small forever, but it's so different with Noah. First of all, there's only one of him. Second, if there's an easier baby to care for or love on this planet I'd like to see it.

At any rate, after philosophizing for a minute or two about receding hairlines and receding childhoods, I started thinking of other things I haven't gotten over the loss of yet.

1. My prebaby body.
2. Eating food while it's still hot.
3. Being able to sit down and read a really good book in 1 sitting.
4. A time when I knew all the words to the latest Bruce Springsteen song instead of all the words to the Spongebob Squarepants theme.
5. Sleeping all night without having to get up to pee.

Oh well, I suppose the passage of time takes things away and brings you others (more philosophizing). Here's what I've gained:

1. About 40 pounds.
2. An appreciation for hot food.
3. Much more selective taste in reading material (i.e. anything quick).
4. An ability to answer Trivial Pursuit questions about Spongebob Squarepants.
5. Not enough sleep to have nightmares.

Half empty or half full - either way there's still something in the glass! :)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"Here's Your Sign!"

I don't know if you have to cite sources on a blog, but just in case, for those of you who have been hiding out in the jungles of Africa, Bill Engvall gets the credit for my title.

For some reason completely unknown to me, I have always loved wacky signs. This caught my fancy on a drive we took not too long ago. I am so excited for snow at this point. It sounds like all the real fun starts when the snow flies.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Parent Radar

When I was little my mom could tell I'd been up to something the moment I walked in the door, before I even said a word. Lying wasn't really an option either because she had a 6th sense that would scare the crap out of most psychics. Now that my children are of the age where they're trying to become sneaky, I've figured out how she used to do it.

Lately, Austin and Connor have decided that if I tell them no all they have to do is wait until I'm not in the room to go ahead and do it anyway. Then they are always amazed when they get caught. Most of the time they do something that puts them in the running for "World's Dumbest Criminals", but often I can tell just by looking at them.

So after a little thought about this phenomenon here's my analogy for how this part of the parenting process goes down. Children, unbeknownst to them, are like little bats sending out guilty signals as they fly around. These guilt signals then bounce off of their parents and are picked up by "parent radar". After awhile, parent radar becomes extremely sensitive and can sense mischief even when the child is not in close proximity.

So, in summary, when my children get that bewildered look and ask, "How did you know?", I reply just like my mother used to, "I always know," and hopefully this scares them as bad as it used to scare me!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Ahhhh, Life In The Tropics

It has been 80 degrees or more for the last week. And in Alaska, that feels like at least 95 or 100 with 100% humidity.

Silly me, I thought it was cold in Alaska (a little birdie told me it only got up to 70 degrees for about 3 days last summer). In fact, when I packed for our move I left behind most of my summer clothes in storage. I have an abundance of sweaters, long johns, hats, etc. and 1 STINKIN' PAIR OF SHORTS! I don't even have a decent pair of flip-flops with which to weather this heat wave. We gave our air conditioner to my folks..... I wonder what it costs to ship a 100-pound air conditioner to Alaska? Hmmmmm. Remind me to remember this when I'm bitching about the cold in a few months!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

A Sympathy Vote for PMS!

I had forgotten how miserable I can be....towards other people! My pregnancy and subsequent "post pregnancy" era had provided a nice long vacation for my hormones (and my family) from that nasty 3 or 4 day stretch each month where I turn into an absolute bear. It's a tricky situation because I know that I'm being cranky and yet am powerless to stop it. If at all possible, I would hide out in my bedroom the entire time eating bon-bons and reading smut books. Unfortunately, I have tried this and found it hard to relax in between constant requests for more cereal, validation of boo-boos and help finding underwear in the dryer. Alas, this scary time always passes before there is any bloodshed (so far) and everyone in our home breathes a sigh of relief, until next month.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Goodbye Binky

Rather than start a new blog, I've decided to just start adding more day-to-day stuff to this one. Those of you who encouraged me to start the new blog already check this one fairly often anyway so now you won't have to go anywhere else to get your daily dose of Smiffiness!

Last night was Connor's first night without his "binky". I suppose it's long overdue, but nonetheless it was hard for both of us. As is usually the case in these matters, it just got "lost" in the top of a closet yesterday after I found it on the floor. As much as I hated to take away something he's slept with EVERY SINGLE night for 6+ years (I can't even get rid of a t-shirt I've had that long!), I had visions of him going off to college with his beloved binky and still sucking his thumb, so I knew it was for the best. Falling asleep proved to be quite difficult and he cried for about 10 minutes as though his heart was broken, which of course broke mine. We snuggled for a bit and then he announced that he thought he would be able to fall asleep in my bed. This proved effective and later Dustin moved him into his own bed. He awoke this morning, very cheerful, without a word about the bink. It occurs to me while I write this that it is yet another chapter finished in his childhood. Bye-bye bottles. Bye-bye-diapers. Bye-bye baby teeth. Bye-bye Bink.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

You Don't Say

As Dustin and I were sitting here relaxing in front of the boob-tube tonight we heard some strange noises outside. There was a lot of "scrabbling" or what sounded like scratching somewhere outside the house. We could also hear the ravens (a.k.a. big-ass birds!) just cawing like crazy. So we went outside on the deck to investigate. As we're looking around down below my husband casually mentions that he heard somewhere that when ravens were around like that there was a bear nearby. I looked at him just as casually and said, "You don't say?" And then casually (or not so much) made my way back into the house. Ahhhh, Alaska.